I Need to Connect
“Hello? Is there anybody in there?”
As a writer, I tediously waver between desperately needing readers’ critiques and drastically taking measures to avoid them. I’m guessing many of you understand what I’m describing—that pull between needing mass public approval, yet fearing it won’t ever be granted and therefore hoping your work slips through the cracks.
This blog is a good example—I publicly throw out my writing into the blogosphere, hoping to reach someone, anyone, who will read and respond with positive understanding and encouragement. Yet, at the same time, I breathe a sigh of relief each time I publish a post and send out my work to the massive intangible internet and the response is nonexistent. Because the lack of response is better than negativity. Better than being not good enough. Better than rejection.
“This is not who I am. I have become comfortably numb.”
I’ve become comfortably numb with the lack of response to my musings. But is this really the point of writing? Baring your soul and its raw creativity to no one? Or perhaps instead to lots of someones in a never ending one-sided relationship?
I began writing to connect. To find others who share similar thoughts, similar emotions, similar hardships. I write to form a link between myself and others. If I’m not connecting—not linking my life with others—am I not succeeding as a writer?
“…you are receding. A distant ship smoke on the horizon.”
It’s been said that Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb and the majority of the album The Wall centers around songwriters Dave Gilmour and Roger Water’s recognition of the alienation between their band and the audience. That void between sharing your incredibly personal thoughts and then sitting idle, torn between that incessant need yet avoidance of a response. There are countless ways to interpret the song’s lyrics and possible meaning, but stripped down it’s rather simple: eventually, we become so used to the way things are that we accept what seems to have become inevitable, even if we would like things to be different.
“Just nod if you can hear me.”
Have you become comfortably numb? Have you settled for the inevitable silence in avoidance of rejection? And is that really who you are? I understand. I hear you. And I want to connect. I need to connect.